Fed Up
Melissa Balmain

Red Riding Hood’s grandma had chest pains galore,
cholesterol looming at two-forty-four,
and blood-pressure spikes. Though she kept it all quiet,
her daughter found out and imposed a strict diet.
No more would she bundle Red off with a pail
of cookies for Granny; instead she sent kale
and casseroles ranging from foul to insipid
because she had stripped them of every known lipid.
One day Red arrived to find Granny in bed.
“Come closer, my dumpling,” the dowager said.
Forget the lame cover-up tale that came later:
No wolf gobbled Red. It was Granny who ate her.

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From Melissa’s The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy Tale Reboots for Adults (Humorist Books)

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Melissa’s notes: ​​“This one feels like a good fit for January, a.k.a. Resolution-and-Deprivation Month. My son says it’s his favorite poem of mine, which I hope means he’ll never try to get between me and a pail of cookies.”

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Melissa Balmain edits Light, North America’s longest-running journal of comic verse, and teaches writing at the University of Rochester. Her latest book of poetry is Satan Talks to His Therapist (Paul Dry Books). melissabalmain.com

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​Hop to…

Andrew l David l Gail l Janet l Janice l John l Mark l Martin l Mike l Paul l Satyananda l Shamik l Steven l Susan l Word-Bird

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